i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize