it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A bitchslap is in order.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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