and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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