I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize