i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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