ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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