Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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