My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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And my parents said I crawled through the house
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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