He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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