also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize