I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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