My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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