"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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