this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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