I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize