I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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