We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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