I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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