I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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