I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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