I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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