Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize