My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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