Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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