I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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