On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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