is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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