Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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