She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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