I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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