I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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