I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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