Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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