And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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