I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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