I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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