Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I did not marry a roomba.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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