My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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