He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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