The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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