I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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