he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize