Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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