Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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