I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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