Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize