I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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