He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This baby is an asshole
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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