I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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