i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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